


A legal prison break

by Big_ball_of_anxiety_and_cake



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, I can´t remember, Is that canon?, Jack crashes a space ship, Only Graham met Jack, Other, Prison, River has amazing hair, The Master and the Doctor are married, The Master eats biscuits, can be read as her crushing on River, jack flirts with everyone, prison break - Freeform, trying to give Yaz character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28407885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Big_ball_of_anxiety_and_cake/pseuds/Big_ball_of_anxiety_and_cake
Summary: Thirteen is in space prison and only her friends can save her.Good thing that spouses have visitation rights.
Relationships: I guess some others too but that´s the main one, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	A legal prison break

They had expected the Doctor to die.

They thought she would sacrifice herself to kill the Master and his race of Cyber Time Lords and that her last act had been to send them back home. To safety. To earth.

Turns out the Doctor was still alive. At least, that was what Jack had said.

Jack had come a few days after they had arrived back home. It had been hard settling back into that boring routine that was life on earth after traveling with the Doctor. They had seen too much. They had done so much. But there was nothing to run from here, no one to safe. There was just work and breakfast and now and again some new show on TV. It had almost been a blessing when his spaceship had crashed into the park.

It had been a nice park, Yaz had quite liked it. There were always people with dogs around and old couples taking a stroll. Boring perhaps, but peaceful. It had been nice to come here between adventures and just breathe in the utter normality of it all. Not that there was much normality left in it now. Actually, there wasn´t much left of the park in general. Crashing spaceships will do that to you.

They had all been there barely five minutes after it happened. Drawn to the danger like moths to a flame. Danger always meant the Doctor. But this time it didn´t. The Doctor wasn´t there.

But someone else was. 

They had had to pull the man´s body from the burning wreckage. He appeared to be the driver if spaceships like this one even had a driver. He was also dead, there was no doubt about it. His body was all twisted at unnatural angles and burns covered most of the exposed skin. Graham insisted that he knew him. That that man knew the Doctor. That he could help them. But Yaz knew it was too late for him. No medicine could save him now. Definitely not a human one at least and human was currently all they had.

So she left Graham and Ryan hunched over the body, bickering about how to perform first aid. There was nothing she could do here. No way she could help them. Wasn´t the best with grief her. All she could do now was stop anyone else from seeing the body. Minimise the damage. She was still a policewoman after all. Or was she? She had been gone for a while. Maybe her boss had been fed up with all her excuses and fired her. She probably wouldn´t even know.

But as they say, once a policewoman always a policewoman. She told all the spectators to go home. To stay away. To please put that phone away, sir. That help was on the way, even if it wasn´t. The people listened to her. Listened to the authority in her voice and the steel in her eyes. They listened better than they had when she had been an actual policewoman with a uniform and everything. Things were different now. She was different. Just another way traveling with the Doctor had changed her. 

It had been a life without limits, in the Tardis. So strange but also so beautiful. It had taught her a lot. The Doctor had taught her a lot. Solve the unsolvable. Stop the unstoppable. Expect the unexpected.

Well, maybe she had to work on the last one a bit more. She certainly hadn´t expected that man to get back up. But there he was, walking around in torn clothing and lamenting the destruction of that beautiful spaceship of his that definitely wasn´t stolen while also shamelessly flirting with everyone around. Just when you think it couldn´t get weirder.

The man´s name was apparently Captain Jack Harkness though Yaz doubted that it was his real one. Lying seemed to come naturally to him, but everyone has their tells. A twitch of the lips, a twist of the thumb, deflection through flirting. It wasn´t obvious, but it was there. He was good. But he told the truth about one thing: He knew where the Doctor was.

So they had a strategy meeting. Graham brought biscuits and Jack was still flirting with everyone, but this was about strategy. They had to find the Doctor. Nothing could distract her from that goal.

Wait, Graham and Jack kissed? When did that happen?

Anyway, back to the Doctor. Who was apparently in jail. Space jail. Run by rhinos. Yes, this could apparently still get weirder. Yaz wasn´t entirely sure what the Doctor would be in prison for, but then again she didn´t know a lot about galactic law. Maybe she was being held captive by an evil space dictator. ~~Maybe she just didn´t know the Doctor very well.~~

They had to break her out, that much was clear. But how? They had done a lot of stuff while traveling with the Doctor, but prison breaks weren´t exactly her speciality. Though they seemed to be Jack´s. He definitely knew way too much about how to break in and out of highly secured buildings to be normal. That was painting quite an interesting picture of his past. She didn´t trust him. Ryan seemed to think he was cool. He sort of was, in a less than legal way. Graham was just very flustered whenever he spoke to him and blushed almost constantly. The winks didn´t exactly help. Could this man even stop flirting?

After a few nights of planning, they still had nothing. That jail was a fortress. Yaz hadn´t expected anything else from something that could imprison someone like the Doctor, but it was still annoying. They couldn´t get the Doctor out. They didn´t even know how to get in. They couldn´t save her. Not alone.

So they asked for help. Or Jack did. He made some sort of open broadcast via some glowing and beeping machine that they had salvaged from the wreckage of his ship that had most definitely been stolen. Yaz couldn´t even begin to understand how that whole thing would work, but she got the gist. A broadcast that would cover a very specific wavelength send into all neighbouring galaxies. The wavelength was apparently one that the Doctor often used, so her friends would hopefully hear it. (Her enemies would too, but they tried not to think about that.) They would ask for their help and if they were lucky, someone would have an idea about how to save her. If they were unlucky, people would notice that the earth was undefended and everyone would die. Great.

They sent the broadcast and hoped for the best.

But again, they had failed to expect the unexpected which happened to be the Master who was very much not dead turning up at their doorstep and just waltzing in.  
Also Jack apparently knew the Master and absolutely hated him. That made him at least a bit more trustworthy in Yaz´s eyes, but not very much so. My enemy´s enemy is not always my friend.

The Master didn´t seem to mind being openly antagonised by literally everyone in the room and helped himself to some of the biscuits. Damn, they should have poisoned those biscuits or something. Well, they had to make the best of this now.

She closed the door that he had carelessly left open, crossed her arms and gave him her best glare. He didn´t seem very intimidated and only smiled back. She glared harder.

“Why are you here? What do you want?”

The Master shrugged and ate another biscuit.

“Heard your broadcast.”

“And what? Decided to take over the earth again without the Doctor coming to stop you? Want to kill a tenth of humanity again?”, Jack cut in. He was also glaring and it was admittedly way more intimidating that Yaz´s. The Master was still unfazed.

“What do you mean ,again’?”, asked Graham, but Ryan shushed him gently. Not the time.

The Master had by now devoured half of their biscuits. 

“Oh, you know”, he said vaguely and gestured around. “I know there has been some bad blood between us. I might have killed one of you multiple times, but in the end we´re all here for the Doctor, right? So I thought I´d come and offer my help.”

Yaz blinked. What? He wanted to help? He had killed Jack multiple times? How did that even work?

“You want to help? But you tried to kill her. To kill all of us.”

The Master only smiled and put the biscuit tin away. Suddenly Yaz wanted that breezy, smug attitude back. It might have been annoying as hell, but it was better than making him angry. A snake wasn´t afraid of a mouse´s glare. If he decided to destroy earth, they wouldn´t be able to stop him. She had seen what this man did to Gallifrey. The Master leaned forward and looked Yaz straight in the eye. His smile was all teeth. The smile of a mad man. The smile of a man who would destroy planets just to make a point.

“No one touches the Doctor”, he said. “No one but me.”

Then the moment passed and he went back to idly eating biscuits. Yaz irrationally hoped that they wouldn´t run out of biscuits anytime soon. As if that would stop him.

“So I´ve decided to help you”, the Master continued. “Judging by what you´ve got laying around in here you haven´t come very far yet and I thought I´d offer my expertise.”

Jack laughed.

“What? You think you know how to break into prisons better than me? That place is a fortress. Nothing gets in, not even a Tardis.”

The Master smiled again.

“Oh, but getting in is not a problem, trust me. We only have to get out. And for that I thought we´d simply use the Judoons´ personal teleportation system. Impossible to hack from the outside, but from the inside we might have a chance.”

“Getting arrested, is that what you´re planning? Forget it! You probably wouldn´t end up in the same prison if they don´t just shoot you on sight. Even if you should somehow end up with the Doctor, how are you planning to get out if she can´t.”

The Master sighed and let his head roll back. 

“You are all so stupid, do you know that?”, he complained. “I don´t know how she can stand it.”

Jack looked about ready to punch him which would have been very satisfying but would also get them exactly nowhere. So Yaz cut in before the situation could escalate.

“Enlighten us then. What are you planning?”

The Master looked back up and seemed vaguely surprised at the question even if he hid it well. Yaz only raised a challenging eyebrow. If he was only messing with them, now was the chance to find out.

With an overdramatic sigh the Master ended their little staring battle and Yaz couldn´t help but feel a small sense of victory. She smiled and the Master glared back. Always nice to reverse the positions. 

“We don´t have to break in because I´m legally allowed to visit her and bring three more visitors with me”, he conceded.

“Why is that then? Some sort of Time Lord thing?”

The Master smiled again. Like he knew something they didn´t which probably was the case.

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. As her husband I have visitation rights.”

Silence.

Expect the unexpected. They were definitely failing at that.

Okay, Yaz. Calm down. The Doctor and the Master are married. No big deal. They only tried to BLOODY KILL EACH OTHER!!! Well, the Master did. But he is insane. And married to the Doctor. Which she didn´t tell us. Why would she? It´s not like we´re friends. Like we trust her with our lives and she doesn´t even tell us that she is MARRIED TO THE GUY THAT TRIED TO KILL US!!!!

Right, this was a thing for later. For after the Doctor was rescued. They would cry and hug and then Yaz would slap her for being such an IDIOT and then they would hug some more. Nice plan. Back to making that happen.

“But we´re four people”, Yaz said into the very uncomfortable, stunned silence.

This time the Master hid his surprise considerably less well. His eyebrows went up for nearly a whole second.

“Excuse me?”

“We´re four people”, Yaz continued. “You´re only allowed to bring three and I´m not exactly a fan of leaving people behind.”

The Master looked at her in stunned silence for a few seconds. She only gave him a sweet smile that was met with a frown. Then the Master continued as if nothing had happened.

“Oh, that should be no problem. We´ll simply get some of her other wives as well.”

Of course, the Doctor had married more than once. 

“Other wives?”, asked Graham who had definitely lost track of this conversation somewhere along the way. It wasn´t helping that it seemed to consist almost only of glares and smiles.

“Oh, yeah”, said the Master. “I was a woman for a while. I quite liked it.”

Not what he had been asking and also not something Yaz would think about now. He was only trying to confuse them. By telling them the truth which was confusing enough on his own.

“And these other wives would be?”, she asked.

And that bloody, infuriating bastard actually started counting them off on his hand.

“Oh, you know. There´s me of course and then there´s River Song who is currently in Stormcage for attempting to murder the Doctor, you know how it is. I would recommend getting her from Darillium though, at that point she already knows that there are multiple Doctors after hers. Cleopatra obviously, we can really get her from almost everywhere after their marriage, and Queen Elisabeth I. who was really angry at him later in her life, so we better get her from an early point.”

He held up his hand again. At least there was only one. Which was still a lot considering she hadn´t seemed to ever have gotten divorced from any of them.

“That makes four spouses all legally allowed to visit with three more people. Makes 12 additional visitors, makes a team of 16 in total that can simply walk through the front door. Should be enough, don´t you think?”

Graham was just staring of into space at this point. Ryan appeared to be silently freaking out in the corner. Jack still looked angry while also vaguely impressed. The Master was just looking very smug. Well, he had just blown all of their minds, so that was probably fair no matter how much she HATED it.

“Well, we better gather that team then.”

And they did. The Master would go with Yaz, Jack and a Sontaran called Strax who had shown up out of the blue and apparently lived in the Victorian Age. He was quite trigger happy and between the three of them, they would hopefully be able to keep the Master in check. 

His friends Jenny and Vastra would go with Queen Elisabeth and would also bring along a man named Nardole who had lived on a spaceship in orbit of a black hole the past few years and was apparently a cyborg. They were the actual extraction team and Nardole would later hack the Judoon´s teleportation system (maybe plug himself in, Yaz didn’t know much about cyborgs) and get all of them out. Jenny and Vastra would keep a look-out and were definitely badass enough to protect them. Queen Elisabeth´s role would apparently be to “hide the Doctor in her giant poofy dress”. Yaz wasn´t entirely sure whether they were joking.

Graham, Ryan and Bill who had introduced herself as the “water space lesbian” and seemed to be friends with Nardole, were going with River Song who had very impressive hair and was constantly flirting with everyone. Her and Jack definitely weren´t supposed to mix. They might elope before they ever got this done. Good thing they were on different teams then. This team´s job was creating a distraction and River was certainly a distraction. And badass. Bill could turn liquid and teleport which was also pretty cool. Sadly, her “awesome space liquid girlfriend” Heather hadn´t been able to come along.

The last team consisted of three newcomers who all had connections to the now dissolved UNIT. Cleopatra would take Martha and Mickey Jones and a woman called Osgood who had an identical twin that would stay behind to guard the earth from some sort of invasion. Yaz decided not to inquire further. This was all way too weird already. They would coordinate the attacks using their secret spy organisation experience or something.

Did they really have an entire team whose sole job was to keep the Master from killing everyone? Yes, they did.

They also needed the Master to drive them there. 

So the plan was done and it was a total mess that probably wouldn´t work and completely relied on exploiting a legal loophole that allows more than one spouse to visit at the same time. Time to go then.

They all piled into the Master´s Tardis which for some reason still looked like O´s shack and arrived at the prison. The Judoon guards seemed a bit confused but since this was technically legal, they let them through. Maybe it also had something to do with Jack and River constantly hitting on the space rhinos while the Master talked about lacking fire safety background. The Judoons didn´t seem to know how to deal with that and just decided to make it someone else´s problem.

The best thing was that they couldn´t even lock them in the visit room because the door wouldn´t close with so many people inside. This was their chance to attack. Team Coordination gave the cue (which was asking for lemon drops that all of them apparently hated) and Team Distraction struck.

River FUCKING KISSED one of the space rhinos and he immediately fainted. Yaz was so not kissing her. Ever. No matter how cool her hair was. Bill liquified and started teleporting the guards. Graham and Ryan just ran around screaming which was also quite distracting. Now it was time for Team Extraction to strike.

Her only job was to look out for the Master and then they would be… Where was the Master? Damn, this wasn´t supposed to distract her too. Actually, on the topic of missing, where the hell was the Doctor? And why was there so much more poof in Elisabeth´s dress?

(The Master and the Doctor were kissing while hiding under the dress of the queen of England. How was this her life?!)

(They were actually quite cute together. When they weren´t killing each other.)

And then they ran with a fugitive hiding under a dress. The Master had at some point come out from under the dress and activated the fire alarm and was now very loudly shouting “I told you so”. They weren´t the only visitors running away and even their weird little team disappeared in the stream of people. Well, let´s say beings. People sounds too human and those things definitely weren´t.

Somehow, they made it to the Tardis. Later she wasn´t quite sure how, but she was aware that somewhere during their escape one of them had started laughing and soon all of them had been unable to stop. Because they had made it. Because the Doctor was free. Because this all felt so surreal. Because they were hiding a bloody galactic fugitive under a poofy dress.

Maybe trusting Jack hadn´t been such a mistake. Maybe she could even trust the Master. Though that was a big maybe. He tried to kill them even if that man was hard to reconcile with the person currently making heart eyes at the Doctor. Had he done that before? Had she just not noticed?

Those really were quite hearty heart eyes.

And then they were in the Tardis and people were cheering and Jenny and Vastra were kissing and River was hitting on Cleopatra and Jack was kissing everyone but especially Graham who was blushing like crazy but actually didn´t seem to mind all that much. The Doctor and the Master were gone again and the first thought on Yaz´s mind wasn´t that he was trying to kill her again, but that they were probably making out like teenagers somewhere. (She was right about that.)

Jack and Strax dragged out some blankets and pillows from somewhere and they build a giant bed right there on the floor of the console room because they sure as hell weren´t leaving now. The Master finally came back a few minutes later looking very dishevelled and Yaz didn´t even want to ask where his tie had gone and his only reaction was to tell them how to find the kitchen.

The kitchen was surprisingly well stocked. They even had chocolate.

Yes, they had chocolate for dinner. And got chocolate all over the fluffy blankets. The Master didn´t seem to mind. He was way too busy staring at the Doctor. And not in a creepy way. In a soft, loving way as if the worst thing that could happen was to lose her. He didn´t look like someone who had tried to kill them. He looked like the Doctor´s husband. Which he actually was and Yaz was still not quite over that one.

Maybe, just maybe, the Master could be their friend too.

They all stayed in the Master´s Tardis that night. It wasn´t really a decision anyone made. They all just couldn´t picture leaving anytime soon. At some point they would have to. They would return to their lives like this never even happened in the first place. But they had time. They were sitting in a time machine after all.

They had all the time in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Looking forward to the special. I hope they do Jack justice. Also please give me more Master he is LIFE!


End file.
